We are MEN

(I apologise for any mistakes whilst typing this, I've had a few pints in celebration of completing our task/the pub quiz being on)

Ben, Dom and I were real men this weekend! We set out to do what we failed to do in July, and fix the suspension on my 3-series BMW (yes, I know it makes me a cock - but I maintain I'm forced into it - society treats me like it, thus I become one - you know, like the Stanford Prison Experiment - Bex knows what I mean, even if you don't). Basically, we found all the broken bits on the back of my car and removed them, then replaced them with new parts. For those who care, the broken parts were my near side rear shock absorber and my offside rear spring.

First off, we started with the fuel for such escapades:



The 'Quote-Unquote-Ultimate-Burger" - which was pretty ultimate. With this and a cup of tea we were ready to start.

Ben and I had previously had a deal - which we called 'our engineering summer', whereby we exchanged help on our various projects. I had previously helped Ben with casting models (http://umbrellagraveyard.blogspot.com/2008/07/rated-g.html) so he had offered to exchange this help for help in fixing my car. Now, we were basically unsuccessful at the first attempt at fixing my car, so I got to call in the help again (the terms of this deal were never really laid out), this time with a slight variance in goons. This time we had Dom!

After detaching the wheels from my car, we proceeded to remove the suspension components, which was easier said than done.

First we had to remove the boot lining.

Then remove the wheels.

Following this, we removed the damaged shock absorbers. They should be the same length - see how they really aren't. Believe it or not, this really reduces the handling of the vehicle. Seriously, shocks are important as they provide damping to the suspension. A car with only springs and no shocks would hit a bump and spring all over the place. Making for a very uncomfortable ride for passengers.

Once we had these out, we had a bit of room to play with. Then we could get the old springs out. The trouble is, they're jammed right in under compression and impossible to just pull out. Ben was tempted to just cut them out, but this is bad idea as so much energy is stored in them that when they break they'll probably explode out going through either a) my car or b) Ben's face. On the basis that I like my car, I vetoed this plan. Fortunately, I had previously purchased from the good people at German, Swedish and French a set of spring compressors. The idea with these is that you fit the grippy bits to the coils of the spring and then tighten them up on the thread. The spring then compresses, hence the name, to a size small enough that you can then just pull them out. You carefully undo the threads, discard the old spring and fit your compressors to the new spring and mount it in the right place. Remove the compressors and you have a new, expanded spring in place, keeping you car on the road. As I say, that's the idea. In reality you've really cramped and you can't get the compressors in properly because the wheel arch, hub and trailing arm all get in the way. And once you've got the bloody thing in place you can't tighten it up because there's no room to get a wrench in place (ok, I admit, the wrenches I had - having the right tools is a wonderful thing).

Anyway, here's the spring we pulled out from the offside:

Yep, it's supposed to be a single component.

Meanwhile, Ben and Dom fit spring compressors to the new spring.



Ben and myself ponder how to insert the new spring whilst Dom lurks under the car like a troll under a bridge. With a camera.